Red Flags to Avoid When Dating in Your 50s

One of the benefits of getting older is that we get wiser in the ways of the world and other people. With the passage of time, we learn more about relationships, love, and ourselves, and we become adept at spotting red flags.

What is a Red Flag When Dating in Your 50s?

Dating red flags are warning signs that tell you that everything is not as it seems and that a new relationship or dating match could be more trouble than they’re worth. They typically refer to the behavior of your date but can also reference aspects of their life or past. See below for the biggest dating at 50 red flags to watch out for:

Refusal to Discuss Their Past

We all deserve privacy, and we all have aspects of our personal life and past that we don’t particularly want to reveal to new people. It’s okay if they’re a little vague with certain things, especially in the early stages of a relationship, but if that vagueness extends to complete shutdowns every time a certain topic is raised or they refuse to talk about anything in their past, it’s a bad sign, and it might be time to step away.

Open communication is important. It’s healthy. If you get the feeling that you’re always the one talking and revealing things about yourself, and they never reciprocate, it’s difficult to make things work.

Of course, if you’re dating a divorced man or woman, they might be hesitant to talk about their recent relationship, or even the relationship they have with their kids.

Lack of Empathy

This isn’t always easy to spot, but you can usually tell how caring someone is by how they treat servers at restaurants, people on the streets, and even animals. Do they care about their fellow man, or do they show contempt for anyone who isn’t directly involved with them or their life? Don’t just let them tell you that they’re a good person—look for the signs. It’s easy to fake empathy. It’s easy to tell someone a story about caring for a sick animal or family member, but it’s a different thing to actually do it in person.

Inability to Compromise

A relationship is all about compromise. You won’t always agree, and you won’t want the same things. The trick is to find a neutral ground that suits both of you. If your new partner insists on getting their own way and gets annoyed when they don’t, they’re raising a big, bright, neon red flag in your face. If they act like that now when the relationship is young, and they’re still trying to impress you, think how they’ll act several years down the line when you’re committed.

This is less of an issue for over 50s than it is for younger daters. A senior dater has plenty of experience behind them and should know better. It suggests they may have been in a relationship where they got everything they wanted from a reluctant partner who didn’t put their foot down. If you stay with them and keep giving them what they ask for, it has the potential to cause a lot of frustration and arguments down the line. So, if they refuse to compromise, move on and find someone who will!

Controlling Behavior

We’re all prone to overreacting, getting jealous, and unloading negativity on our partners. It’s normal. It’s human. But you should never seek to control your partner because you’ve let those negative thoughts win. If your partner tells you who you can speak to, where you can go, who your friends can be, or even what you do on a daily basis, take the express train out of there.

It might seem harmless now, and in the early parts of a relationship, some people enjoy the idea of a partner who cares enough to want to know where they are and what they’re doing every day. But it’s not healthy, and if it’s not stopped in its tracks, it could lead to bigger issues in the future.

Unrealistic Expectations

As soon as they start trying to change you, whether it’s the color of your hair, your weight, or even where you live, run! You’re a grown adult. You know yourself better than anyone and don’t need to change just because someone wants you to. By the same token, don’t pay heed to people who set unrealistic expectations for you and your relationship, such as insisting that you have kids or get married when you’ve only had a few dates.

Frequent Mood Swings

Getting a little emotional is okay at times, but it can be a strain on you and your relationship if they constantly swing from one extreme to the other. You can have a conversation with them and discuss whether there is an underlying condition at play. If so, you may decide that you want to work through it with them and stay regardless, and that’s okay. But if there is no such issue, those mood swings could be the result of jealousy, resentment, and annoyance. It could hint that something deeper is at play, something that you don’t want to get involved with.

It’s also not pleasant to deal with constant mood swings. As you get older, you want a simpler and more stable life, one without so much drama.

Lack of Boundaries

Being forward is excusable if you give them consent and are a tactile person yourself, but it’s not okay for them to probe areas of your life that you’re clearly not comfortable with. They should respect your boundaries, such as not talking about your ex, a recent divorce, or your kids.

Online Profiles with limited Information

If they don’t have a lot of information on their profile, they could be trying to hide something or using the dating site purely as a means to hook up (unless that’s what you’re into). Your online profile is your chance to sell yourself to all the single men and women out there, and if they haven’t taken that chance, it’ll make things somewhat one-sided from the outset.

Summary: Dating at 50 Red Flags

Always trust your gut. That’s the best dating advice that we can give you. At 50+, you will have had plenty of experience dating. Even if it all feels a little alien to you and you were in a long-term relationship for many years, you’ll still be well-equipped to deal with problematic matches. Take all of your experience onboard, pay attention to red flags, and as soon as they start waving, turn tail and get out of there!

Key points